Dear Blinds, You’re Just Not Me, Sincerely, Shutters

Dear Blinds,

I know how you must be feeling right now, and I’m here to try and comfort you by telling you to just accept what you are

I know – you’re feeling envious of me, and like you’re not really worth much because you don’t add value to a home like I do. You’re probably also feeling like you don’t have much control in your life, as you see me effortlessly controlling the light into a room, while you endure being manhandled by struggling humans. Humans who just didn’t realize that I would have been the far better option when it came to adorning their windows.

It’s completely understandable that your self-esteem is suffering. Not to blow my own horn or anything, but I’m just so versatile! I’m sturdy, while still being able to look chic and minimalist, and I preserve heat with no more effort than it would take to turn up the heating. It’s funny how I can be so cost effective while looking like a million dollars!

Anyway, I hope you’re ok. I understand (though obviously not from personal experience!) that it must be hard not being part of the “in” crowd. Maybe you could just attempt to become the hipster of the window world, and try and make people actually LIKE your less functional, less sleek appearance. If not, I think your best bet is to just give up and pass the torch that is your window to me – I will really bring out the best in it! Obviously you probably don’t want to give up easy, but the good news is that my life span is much longer than yours anyway.

Unfortunately, blinds, I can’t offer you a solution to any of the personal problems you’re having – because you’re just not me. You can’t change what you are, and neither can I. I was born to be beautiful and effortless and… well, I don’t want to say perfect, but have you seen me in Mahogany?! I look like window royalty. If there was a Top Trumps for window accessories, I would definitely be the most coveted card. (My thinking right there just demonstrates how intelligent my design is!)

I hope you’re holding up, blinds. I know you tend to break, and that must be hard to deal with. But keep your head held high! Well… as high as you can with that broken top slat.

All the best!
Shutters